I Am What I Am
by AnthroGirl
Summary: A moment between Betty and Justin. Songfic. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything. Seriously...I have a daughter. It's totally not worth suing me for her.

**Note: **My first Ugly Better fic. Just a quick one that was inspired by the song herein. I hope you like it.

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**I AM WHAT I AM**

It had been another horrendous day at the office, and Betty Suarez could usually handle horrendous, but today it just seemed too much.

Wilhelmina Slater had humiliated her, again, in front of an entire board-room full of her colleagues. Like they didn't think of her as a complete freak as it was, Betty thought bitterly, her sunny disposition suddenly cloudy and glum.

Daniel Meade, her boss, had tried to put a stop to the humiliation but it had come too late, and it hadn't been enough. Later, he'd found her in the women's bathroom. Now, she was glad that she'd still been fairly well held together by what little was left of her dignity.

She remembered the look on her face as she'd left the house that morning, looking at her new self in the mirror and thinking that finally _finally_ she was going to fit in; she was glamorous and pretty, and whilst not as thin as Amanda, and not as clean cut as Mark, she was uniquely herself and she would finally fit in with the Mode crew.

Then she remembered the look of defeat in her eyes as she faced herself in the mirror in the Mode bathroom before Daniel had sought her out. Crushed beyond belief, she merely wondered how she could have ever been stupid enough to think that she, Betty Suarez from Queens, would ever be able to compete with the Mode girls.

When she'd gotten home from work, she'd let her family know what had happened, but their sympathy and understanding didn't help. She realised she was throwing her own pity-party, but it didn't help her snap out of her dark mood.

Throwing on her coat she ventured out onto the front steps of her family's home, settling herself down on the second step from the bottom, she wrapped her puffy powder-blue coat closer around her and wondered again if the job at Mode was really her lucky break or just another humiliating episode in God's latest dramedy.

Staring up into the bleak night sky, she tried to capture a glimpse of at least one star, but was disappointed only to see the outlines of ever-darkening clouds.

The front door creaked open and the sound of familiar light footsteps sounded before a small warm body pressed itself up close to hers. She looked down at the little boy and gave him a weak smile

"Tough day at work?" Justin, her nephew, asked with compassion. Betty nodded and tried valiantly to hold back the tears that were forming.

"Your makeover wasn't so successful?" Justin's comment was more a statement than a question and Betty let out a bitter, harsh laugh as she swiped at a few stray tears

"I guess you could say that" she admitted.

"I'm sorry" Justin whispered

"You know, maybe it's just meant to be like this." Betty started to ramble "Maybe this is just supposed to be how I get my lucky break, maybe…maybe it is. I mean, so what if I'm not attractive and thin and beautiful and elegant and sophisticated like the other girls at Mode. So what if I was only hired because Daniel would never…no…could never be interested in someone like me. It's still a break right?...right?"

"Right…" supplied Justin when she looked at him expectantly

"Right…" Betty trailed off "So why doesn't it make it all seem worth it some days?" she asked softly "Why can't I just fit in? Somewhere? Anywhere? I mean…I'm me right? Why can't that be enough?"

"It is enough" Justin told her, wrapping a small arm around her shoulders and leaning his head against hers; he whispered softly, so softly she almost missed it

"I know what it's like, to not fit in anywhere."

"Oh…Justin I'm sorry" Betty told him, turning and smiling at him half-heartedly and apologetically "I'm sorry I'm telling you all this. You're just a kid, I forget sometimes"

"It's ok you know" and Betty looked at him questioningly "to be different I mean " he continued. "I am what I am…and who better to play me than me…right?"

Betty laughed at his brilliant smile and his impenetrable self-confidence, ruffling his hair she grinned at him

"That's right, who better to be you than you" she agreed

"And?" he asked

"And what?"

"And who better to play you than…?"

"Me?" she supplied with another grin, her spirits lifting.

Justin laughed and stood up, dramatically throwing his arms into the air and began to announce his latest 'number'

"So I was surfing youtube at school and found this amazing video of John Barrowman, he's like, this fantastic broadway star in the UK, and anyway he was singing this fabulous song about a drag queen and so now I introduce to you…I am what I am sung by yours truly, Justin Suarez"

Betty gave him an obligatory clap and a small whistle as her nephew burst into song

"_I am what I am  
I am my own special creation  
So come take a look   
Give me the hook  
Or the ovation  
It's my world  
That I want to have a little pride  
My world  
And it's not a place I have to hide in  
Life's not worth a dam  
Till I can say  
I am what I am_

_I am what I am  
I don't want praise I don't want pity  
I bang my own drum  
Some think it's noise I think it's pretty  
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle   
Why not see things from a different angle  
Your life is a shame  
Till you can shout out I am what I am_

_I am what I am  
And what I am needs no excuses  
I deal my own deck   
Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces  
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit  
One life so it's time to open up your closet  
Life's not worth a dam till you can shout out  
I am what I am"_

As Justin threw his arms around and melodramatically acted out the song, Betty allowed herself to listen to the words and realised that he was right. Justin was just a kid and yet he was so comfortable with himself at such a young age. Betty envied his ability to keep on being himself despite everything that others did to discourage him. He'd been attacked and vilified at school by his peers, and here he was, relatively normal and chasing his dreams and enjoying his passions. As his song came to an end, Betty stood up and enveloped him in a huge hug

"Thanks Justin. You always know just what to say to make me feel better"

Justin hugged her back just as tightly, glad to have been able to help his favourite aunt.

"Just remember to never be less than you are, or try to be someone you're not. I love you because you're you" he told her quietly. Betty blinked back her tears once more

"And I love you too. Because you're you, and I hope you always will be"

Letting him go, she turned and watched him go inside. She felt lucky to have the family she had. They were a big part of her, and to deny herself was to deny them, and she could never truly do that. She let herself revel in the thought of being unique, just for a moment, before returning to the reality of her work situation once more. She stood a little straighter as she made her way back into the small home, determined to do her job to the best of her abilities. She was who she was…and she was probably the realest person who had ever worked at Mode magazine…and maybe that knowledge was enough to get her through another few weeks.


End file.
